Show Me Your Best Pose, Baby!

One advantage of IVF:

by 16 weeks gestation we had already had three separate photo ops with our little boys.

See how photogenic they are already?

On transfer day:

At 7 weeks:

At 16 weeks:

Baby A (bottom 16 week pic) was a bit of a sleepyhead for his photo shoot, except for willingly showing us his sex.

Baby B (top two 16 week pics) on the other hand seemed to have absorbed every ounce of the chai latte I drank on the way to the ultrasound (don't judge). He would not. sit. still. No wonder I've been feeling him since just before the 16 week mark. He did, however, stop moving long enough to give us a thoughtful pose with his hand at his chin.

See?  Photogenic!

 

At the 16 week mark both boys measured/averaged at 16 weeks 5 days.

I, on the other hand, measured at 19 weeks...and am feeling pretty darn good about it, thank you very much.

A little twin info for you, which we just learned at the ultrasound: the assignment of Baby A is given to the baby whose sac is closest to the cervix, meaning he will deliver first. Throughout the pregnancy they will be consistently referenced as A and B so as to respectively track each one's growth from now until their arrival.

Incidentally, even we will be calling them Baby A and Baby B until their arrival because:

a) we don't have names picked out yet; and
b) even once we select the names we intend to keep them a surprise until the boys are born.

Sorry, folks.

Fun Times in the Emerald City

Be advised: this is a photo heavy post.

We spent the last week of September in Seattle, with a few days up in Bellingham visiting some friends. One thing you should know: Justin hates Seattle. Okay, so maybe he doesn't hate the city itself; I think he just hates the traffic, limited parking and then having to pay for parking. I'm with Justin on the paid parking thing - its a bit of a drag to add $10 onto the cost of an activity simply to park your car within walking distance.

But I digress.

We just knew that for this IVF cycle we wanted to stay near our clinic. And stay near we did - we rented an apartment a mere five minutes from our clinic. It was fabulously convenient.

We also knew we wanted to get out and see Seattle a bit, which we did as well.

Our first adventure was the Seattle Aquarium. It was Kendry's and my first visit. We arrived just in time to see the diver feeding the fish.

This octopus was really on the move when I snapped this photo. It was a little creepy.

The tide pools were pretty neat.

This seal was doing laps, coming right at the glass.

We visited Pike's Market after leaving the aquarium, not realizing it was packed with Seahawks and Packers fans for the Monday Night Football that evening. Craziness!

That evening I took Kendry to one of my favorite spots, Alki Beach, while Justin yelled at watched the Seahawks on TV. We met up with my friend Amanda for a walk on the beach and some yummy fish and chips.

Our next adventure was the Children's Museum at Seattle Center, which we conveniently found a groupon for earlier in the week.

This photo of Justin cracks me up.

Kendry was pretending to call his grandpa while driving. I didn't have the heart to tell him this is illegal in Washington.

He was pretending to fall off the ledge. I think he gets his dramatic side from me.

The weather was gorgeous all week!



Mid-week we headed north to Bellingham to visit our friends and their new baby girl.

It was nice enough to BBQ and eat dinner outside.

(It was around this time that we stopped taking so many pictures.)

Toward the end of the week we returned to the Seattle area, this time staying in a hotel so Kendry could do some swimming.

We later met up with Justin's dad to hand over the kiddo for two nights so Justin and I could have some time to ourselves.

My proposal for rounding out a great week in Seattle:  a Saturday morning coffee and pedicure with a bosom friend, an afternoon trip to IKEA (Justin actually agreed to go!), a short nap and dinner with my best man.

Such a great trip!

Not Just Any Other Week

April 22-28 is
National Infertility Awareness Week.

1 in 8 couples is affected by infertility.


I encourage you say a prayer this week for those who are still waiting on God for their miracle baby.

 

"No one ever plans for infertility, just as no one plans to be in a car accident or to lose their job. Life knocks you down sometimes. Life is not what you planned. But only you can choose how to respond to the blow.

 

The picture of my life and family as it currently exists differs significantly from the picture I had in my mind ten years ago. But if I choose to dwell on the picture in my mind for too long, I will miss the joy God has for me right now in this…dare I say?...wonderful infertile life."

-excerpt from my recent essay-

I share this video each year because it has a special place in my heart. Singer Kellie Coffey captures the emotions of infertility so well.

Ten on Tuesday

{1}

I spent an hour working on a front yard flower bed last night.

Sometimes gardening is a more rewarding form of exercise than running.

{2}

I was summoned yesterday for federal jury duty but didn't get selected. I would have enjoyed the opportunity to experience a trial but this was really a bad week for me to be away from home and work, so it all worked out for the best.

{3}

Backyard patio progress:

 This weekend we turned some of our grass into abstract art.

Kendry was perplexed at the sight.

"Mom, Daddy is breaking our grass!"

{4}

Confession:

If I pull up to the post office and see that its already crazy busy, and then find myself getting out of my car in the parking lot at the same time another person is exiting their car, I instantly become a world class speed walker.

I may have to wait in line behind 10 people already, but I'll be darned if I'm letting that 11th person in the parking lot beat me to the end of the line.

Go ahead and admit it, you've done it too.

{5}

Kendry quote of the week:

"Licorice makes my tummy feel better."

Ahhh, a kiddo after my own heart.

{6}

Please be advised of a correction on the Redneck Paleontology post from last week: Justin has brought it to my attention that the beer can he found is called an "Oly Pop", not an "Oly can".

I hope you will pardon my lack of knowledge on vintage beer cans.

{7}

The infertility essay I wrote for the drug company last month did not win.

I am a little bummed, but at the same time God revealed some things to me as I wrote it so I still came out blessed.

I will likely share some excerpts, if not the entire essay, with you at a later date.

{8}

Remember how I mentioned that creepy cave under our cement steps, and how I had no idea what creatures have been under there over the years?




Yeah.
Justin found the skeletal remains of a cat down there.

Double eww!

{9}

Parenting Proverb:
He who is wise and desires peace and quiet after 8:00 p.m. does not permit a child to go to bed with a maraca.

{10}
This Week's Blessing:

 Celebrating our risen Lord, and singing "Happy Day" (Kendry's favorite tune) with him during Easter Sunday morning worship. I had told him they would be playing 'his song' that morning and he was so giddy he could hardly sit still.

Not that Kendry ever sits still. 

How Prepared Are You?

Google

Most readers of our blog know us in real life, in which case you already know that aside from my jobs as a wife and mom I am a paralegal from 9 to 5, Monday through Friday.

I started my career in 2004, working solely in estates/probate for two and a half years, before Justin graduated and we relocated. I have learned so much in my eight years as a paralegal - both professionally and personally - and one lesson I have learned time and time again is this:

- people can do crazy things when they are grieving -

What do I mean by that?

Allow me to use my family as an example. I come from a large family. My parents are still happily married (44 years now - woot! woot!)  My siblings and I get along great. An outsider looking in might naturally assume that upon the death of my parents, my siblings and I will graciously and lovingly work together to divide my parents' assets equally among us. I pray that is the case; but like I said, people are capable of crazy things in their grief.

My mother has a beautiful dining room table she found and refinished herself - a potential heirloom.

Suppose upon her death I decide I want that table for myself...and then my younger sister decides she wants it too. And then my older sister points out that she should get the table because she actually helped my mom refinish it. Throw in the grief that each of us is experiencing upon the loss of our mother and -wham!- family conflict.

As I said, this is just an example. Except now that I think about it I do wonder who will get mom's table down the road. Interesting...

DIBS! 

Ha, just kidding, Jaim.

Google

In all seriousness, this situation happens more often than you might think. Which is why I believe it is extremely important to execute a will. Yes, sometimes even with a will these family conflicts can still erupt, but at least the deceased has left something in writing indicating their exact wishes. If my mother leaves a list specifically saying that she wants my older sister to inherit her dining table, so be it.

If you're under 30 years of age you may be thinking: "I don't have anything of value anyway."

Are you married? Do you have children? Do you have a home?

Does your family know your wishes if you were, heaven forbid, ever in an accident and left in a vegetative state?

Never assume that just because you are young you don't need to consider estate planning. Justin and I were married just two months before we executed our estate planning documents. Granted, we got a nice discount since I was still working in estates; however, we knew without a doubt that we intended to buy a house and have kids in the near future. We wanted our bases covered in case anything happened.

What bases did we cover exactly?  We executed wills, living wills, powers of attorney and a community property agreement.  {An attorney can help you determine which documents you might need.}

If you already have your estate planning documents in order, way to go!  Just make sure you refer back to them every few years to make sure they are still applicable, particularly with regard to your children. Don't be like us and wait until your child is nearly three years old before you revise your wills to include a guardian selection for your child.

See? Even I am not completely organized in every aspect of my life.

For those of you in the infertile community, make sure you consider things like frozen eggs, frozen sperm, and frozen embryos. While our fertility clinic already requires us to fill out a stack of paperwork an inch high with regard to frozen embryos, Justin and I felt it was important to include language in our wills specifying exactly what we want done with any frozen embryos if we were to die.

Also, while I'm on a roll here, you might consider putting together what Dave Ramsey refers to as a Legacy Drawer.

"The drawer should be somewhere in your home and contain everything your spouse or family needs to know if you aren't around—anything that has to do with your financial life should be in that drawer. You must organize it in a way that anyone can find a specific document in 30 seconds. All files should be clearly marked, in order, and easy for a grieving family member to find. There's no need to go into extreme detail when creating your Legacy Drawer. Simply include the appropriate documents in an easy-to-understand format, and you're good to go!"

I hope this post inspires you to look into estate planning if you haven't already. And please don't let this information overwhelm you or cause you to ponder your own morbidity for a week straight. That is not my intent. I would simply encourage you to either speak with an attorney or take a look at some legal forms available online and decide what sort of estate planning might be appropriate for you at this stage in your life.

{Disclaimer: I am not an attorney and cannot give legal advice, nor should any of the above information be considered as such. This information is simply provided as a recommendation. If you have questions about what estate planning documents you should have I highly suggest you contact a licensed attorney in your state of residence. If you live in Idaho or Washington, I know a few good ones.}

This Wasn't In the Brochure

Life is a daring adventure, or nothing.

~Helen Keller~

As previously mentioned, I attended a women's retreat about an hour away this last weekend. There was a beautiful hotel, a toasty hot tub, a nice exercise room, an introductory Zumba class, a late night bunco game, wonderful worship, a group of amazing women, and a message from that Lord so fitting I swear it was fashioned just for me.

Suffice to say, with fresh emotions from the anniversary of our failed IVF cycle last week I was a tad more fragile than I realized. As soon as the speaker, Jan Brauer, introduced her topic, This Wasn't in the Brochure, I knew without a doubt God's perfect timing was behind this entire weekend. Jan dove right into a study of Jonah and compared that with the surprises in our own lives - both the good and the bad. She had me in tears three different times during the Friday message alone.

If you're not familiar with the story of Jonah, here's a quick recap: Jonah was a prophet. God asked Jonah to go to the city of Ninevah to inform the citizens of their wicked ways and tell them to repent. Jonah basically said 'Nope' and ran the other direction...literally. He boarded a ship on the Mediterranean; once it set sail the ship got caught in a terrible storm. Jonah finally told the panicky crew to throw him overboard and the storm would subside. Jonah knew that God had brought the storm because of his disobedience. Sure enough, they threw him over and the storm ceased. But Jonah didn't die in the sea; rather, God sent a whale to swallow him. Jonah was in the belly of the whale for three days - where he obviously had a lot of time to lament over his actions - and then the whale spit him up onto dry land. God asked Jonah once again to go to Ninevah and this time Jonah obeyed. Much to Jonah's surprise, the wicked city of Ninevah heeded Jonah's warning and repented.

Thats usually where the story stops. Happy ending, right? Jonah obeyed, Ninevah repents, all is well. Except there is more. After Ninevah repents God decides to spare the city and, believe it or not, Jonah gets mad at God. He tells God: "You see? This is exactly why I didn't want to come preach to Ninevah, God. I knew you would have compassion on them." Then Jonah marches himself outside the city and plops down to pout. God causes a vine to grow and shade Jonah at his pouting site and Jonah appreciates it. He is in the desert, after all. But overnight God sends a worm to eat the vine and it withers and dies. Then the scorching sun and a horrible wind beat on Jonah; without the vine he is no longer protected from the elements. God asks him, "Are you angry about the vine?" Jonah tells him he is and then says, "I am so angry it would be better for me to just die."  A little overdramatic, don't you think?  God then points out to Jonah that he is upset over a vine that grew and died overnight. How then can Jonah criticize God for having compassion for the people of Ninevah?



I could go on and on about what God revealed to me through Jan's message this weekend, but let me see if I can simplify it a bit and capture my main takeaways for you:

1. We will all be hit with surprises. Life is never going to be like the Disneyland brochure: smiling faces, well-behaved children, the perfect figured woman, rides that keep you laughing and don't frighten you.

2. A pattern of peaks and valleys throughout your life is normal.

3. Perspective matters. When you're in the dark belly of the whale you can't see where God is taking you. Jonah probably thought he was still in the middle of the ocean and then -whop!- he is spit up unto dry land.
 
4. At some point you have to accept what has happened in your life - say "it is what it is" and trust God to take you through it.

5. Keep your momentum - keep praising, singing and thanking Him as you trust His direction in your life.

6. Learn from Jonah. He was so busy pouting he completely missed the amazing compassion God had for the people of Ninevah. Have you ever stopped to consider what miracles you may have missed while you were busy feeling sorry for yourself?  Ouch! This realization hit me hard. Sometimes my flesh tells me I have a right to sulk about our infertility. Its not fair. {Visualize me stomping my foot, if you will; I may be 31 but I still pout on occasion.}  But God is always working. If I'm too busy hanging my head in defeat I might miss what He wants me to see or, better yet, what He wants to include me in.



I leave you with this quote:

"We can't have adventure, miracles, faith and a deep knowledge of Jesus while holding on to comfort, security, control and success."  

~"Just Courage" by Haugen~

525,600 Minutes

"525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear.

525,600 minutes - how do you measure, measure a year?

In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee.

In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.

In 525,600 minutes - how do you measure a year in the life?"

A year ago today my blood test came back negative.

Our IVF cycle had failed.

I haven't discussed this much on the blog, but in the wake of this news we decided to pursue a frozen embryo transfer with the one embryo we had frozen from our 2008 IVF cycle. We didn't tell anyone about this cycle - not even our family.

The transfer took place on May 25, 2011.

Another blood test two weeks later.

Another blow of disappointment.

How do I measure 2011?

- Peace -

"My flesh and my heart faileth; but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever."

~Psalm 73:26~

I do not know why God has us on this path,

but I want to glorify Him every step of the way.

This week I entered an infertility essay contest.

The title of my essay is "Wonderful Infertile Life."

Writing this essay brought so many emotions to the surface for me. Only today did I stop to consider the ironic timing - submitting an essay about our family's success with IVF exactly one year after our failed IVF cycle.

One year.

I don't know if I will win.

It would be nice, of course, but that is not my ultimate goal.

My prayer is that God will bless each person who takes the time to read my essay, and that the peace He has given our family throughout this last year would be undeniably present in my writing.

"A peace that passes understanding is my song..."

What Might Have Been

We attend a great church here in the LC Valley and have been blessed with a wonderful small group as well. Last night at small group, while I was talking with two women, Kendry became very intrigued with the pregnant belly belonging to one of these women.
After a few shy glances, he worked up the courage to ask her:
"You have a belly?"

This is the first time Kendry has been around someone so visibly pregnant (her baby is due in 2 weeks) and has been old enough to actually take notice. I enjoyed explaining to him that this woman had a baby in her belly. The woman asked Kendry if he thought it was a baby boy or a baby girl. Kendry told her its a girl.

Then he pointed at the woman and exclaimed: "She is a mom!"

My heart swelled with pride.
My two year old is grasping the mother-child connection.

How did he get so big already?

The drive home was bittersweet as I considered Kendry's lesson on babies from a different perspective.

Had our February IVF cycle been successful, today my belly would be just as big as this woman's is.
My due date would have been November 10th.

It would have been my growing belly that Kendry noticed.

My flesh asks:
What would our life would be like today without the significant heartaches we have suffered this year?

Faith reminds me:
Keep your eyes on the promises ahead.

Last Sunday our pastor preached on Hebrews 11, which is often referred to as the faith chapter.
Time and time again, the verses in Hebrews 11 start with: 'By faith...'
"By faith, Noah..."
"By faith, Abraham..."
"By faith, Moses..."

At the conclusion, our pastor challenged us with this question:
What is your 'by faith' story?

Example: "By faith, Jody..."


Today this is the best I can come up with:
"By faith, Jody trusted."


I'm trying, Lord.


 "...for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances."
-Philippians 4:11-

My Goals, His Goals

A little over a year ago I posted a few things I hoped to accomplish by the time I turned 31 - my Age 30 Bucket List. Now that the year is nearly up let's see how I did, shall we?

1. Complete a half marathon

DID IT! I ran my first half marathon in Leavenworth, Washington last October with a time of 1 hour, 52 minutes and 30 seconds. Boo-yah!

And, I'm gonna do it again! Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know after the last one I said that I would never run another race that long, but over time my competitive spirit has gotten the best of me. Now I'm determined to beat last year's time. I start my official training program in two weeks. My race is October 15th.

2. Get pregnant with Baby #2

Not just yet. Through IVF I carried two little embryos for a short time in February but they both failed to attach. Then I carried another precious embryo for a short while in May via a frozen embryo transfer, but again, it failed to attach. 

3. Take the boat tour into Hells Canyon (this is a local tourist activity)

Unfortunately we didn't get around to this one this year, nor do I expect we will squeeze it in before my birthday arrives next Friday. I could probably insist that we go on the Saturday immediately following my birthday but I have already requested that we build a table instead (more on that later), so I guess this goal will just have to continue on to next year's bucket list.

4. Take my hubby on a REAL vacation so he finally sees what all the fuss is about

Nope, no vacation. No fuss. Most of our spare cash was poured into fertility treatments this year.

5. Finish reading the Twilight saga

DID IT! Actually, I think I had all four books completed within a month after my 30th birthday. Plus, I've seen all the movies to date. I am positively giddy for the November release of Breaking Dawn. Is there a line at the movie theater yet, cuz I'm ready!

6. Eat an "Idaho Spud" candy bar

DID IT! Here is a visual for those of you who don't know what an Idaho Spud looks like:

Appetizing, no?

I thought this goal could be a small right of passage for having lived in Idaho - emphasis on the small because if this candy bar (lump is probably more accurate) was any bigger I may have started gagging.

Finally, I added another goal a few weeks after my 30th birthday:

7. See Brad Paisley and Darius Rucker in concert

Negative. We couldn't make the Spokane show because we had to be in Seattle for a fertility appointment the following day, and we couldn't make the Gorge show because we were celebrating our friends' wedding that evening.

Is anyone else seeing a pattern for this year?

On the morning of my 30th birthday a year ago I was feeling a bit blue, mostly because I had always imagined I would have a few kiddos by the time I turned 30. So it was ironic when that very night at dinner Justin admitted he thought we were financially able to do another IVF cycle. At those words I nearly jumped across the table to kiss him. We went to a movie after dinner but all I could think about was getting pregnant again. Even now I don't think I could tell you which movie we saw.

 

We tried for an IVF cycle in November but got delayed.

We tried for December and got delayed again.

We finally got to do our cycle in February and, after that didn't work, we attempted a frozen embryo transfer in May.

Now here I am, about to celebrate another birthday.

Once again I amazed at how quickly the time passes.

This last year has been one of the most difficult of our lives, and also one of the most joyous.
We felt our hopes deflate with negative pregnancy tests, but heard our son say his first "I love you."

Infertility broke our hearts again and again, but God's joy has been our strength.
And boy have we needed strength.

In my devotional this week I read this quote from Kay Arthur:

"He wants us to have a faith that does not complain while waiting, but rejoices because we know our times are in His hands - nail-scarred hands that labor for our highest good."

I may set goals for myself, but the greatest plan for my life has been laid out by the hands of my Savior - hands that were scarred for me.

I don't always understand it. I don't always like it. But I always trust it.

"...count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing."

James 1:2-4

Technical Difficulties & NIAW

I never realized how much I would miss blogging until I no longer have the proper means to do it. Last Saturday, our dinosaur of a laptop caught some nasty spyware, thus disabling proper Internet Explorer access. Fearing it was actually a virus, we rushed it to the computer guy to confirm if our important stuff had been compromised - you know, stuff like hundreds of photos, two year's worth of videos of the kiddo, our budget spreadsheets in Excel and, of course, iTunes. I was praying constantly Saturday for none of that to be affected, and it wasn't. Praise the Lord! But the lesson has been learned. You gotta back stuff up, people. We're now purchasing an external hard drive for that exact reason. Oh, and be sure you keep your anti-virus and spyware blocker software updated. You're probably saying "duh, Jody" as you read this, but I honestly cannot say when we last updated this software on our system.

Anyway, since my laptop was from 2003 and we were in desperate need of an upgrade anyway, we are taking this opportunity to purchase a new system. Woo hoo! I can't say for certain when we'll be up and running again, or when I'll have access to my enormous bank of photos to share with you, but it should be soon so please be patient with me.

In the meantime, know that I'm working on lots of fun stuff and we've been taking some great photos. We went to the county fair last Friday night, and we took some adorable photos of Kendry on Easter. In just one week we'll be celebrating Kendry's second birthday, which means I've also got one or two crafts in the works. Plus, Justin got Kendry's sandbox finished. Lots going on!

On a more serious note, this week is National Infertility Awareness Week. Please take a moment this week to say a prayer for all the couples struggling with infertility, and perhaps visit the RESOLVE website to learn a little more.

I posted this video during NIAW last year and will probably continue to post it every year. It captures the heart of infertility so perfectly.

I am reminded not just this week but every single day that when struggles like infertility leave us feeling hopeless, we have a Creator who strengthens us.

"That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.

For when I am weak, then I am strong."

~2 Cor. 12:10~

Its The Little Things

I know we've been a bit quiet lately, but rest assured we are still here.

Those who have been through fertility treatments know what a blessing it is (if thats the right word for it) to simply rest in the lull that follows the regimented schedule of a treatment cycle - regardless of the outcome. Since receiving our disappointing news a month ago we have actually enjoyed getting back to the day to day routine.

No daily shot regimen.

No appointments and blood draws every few days.

No back to back trips to Seattle four days in a row.  

Do we wish we were planning for the arrival of Baby #2 come November instead of pondering when we will be able to pursue another round of treatment?

Absolutely.

But for today, this is the path God has laid before us.

We may not always understand it, but we know that He still intends for us to enjoy life to the full, no matter what we are going through.

"I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."

~John 10:10~

So for today we relish the joys of being a family of three rather than constantly wondering when we will be three plus.

We busy ourselves with activities like swim lessons every Saturday morning,

mowing our 'greener every day' lawn at least twice a week (Justin, not me),

and sneaking out to yard sales in the wee hours of our lazy Saturday mornings (me, not Justin).

We plan a family vacation (Christmas in Alaska anyone?) without scrutinizing whether we just might be pregnant by then, or if the vacation funds could be better allocated towards our next treatment.

We make plans for Kendry's big boy bed and his bedroom update without reserving space for a second bed.

Not because we don't believe God has another baby in store for us,
but because life goes on.

Vacations can be cancelled, if need be.
(just be sure to buy trip insurance)

And furniture can easily be rearranged to make a big boy bedroom into a bedroom for two.
(perhaps a little more work if Baby #2 is a girl)


When its all said and done I want to know that we made the most of every single minute.

As Joyce Meyer says:
Patience is not the act of waiting,
its how you behave while you wait.

{FAITH}

{FAITH is...}

believing that our God is bigger than any challenge that comes our way, including infertility.

{FAITH is...}

knowing that He would turn our family of two...

into a family of three.

{FAITH is...}

believing that someday I will meet my three babies in heaven.

{FAITH is...}

knowing that His plans for our lives are greater than we can fathom.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."   Jeremiah 29:11

{FAITH is...}

acknowledging that God can be glorified even though our heartaches.

{FAITH is...}

trusting that our family of three will someday be four, and five...

in His time.

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."
Hebrews 11:1

Love & Hope

Sending out a little love today to other infertiles:


Don't give up!

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
{Jeremiah 29:11}

Ten on Tuesday

1. I am love, love, lovin' the extra minutes of daylight we are gaining each day! Can you feel it?

"I felt it!"

"Alright, Janice!"

{Just another silly inside joke with my family.}

2. To all you cat lovers out there: you'd better give me some humane suggestions for keeping stray cats out of our flower beds and yard pretty darn quick or my hubby will be taking matters into his own hands.

I'm pretty sure I heard the words "darn cats" and "pellet gun" in the same sentence this last weekend.

3. Kendry is now proudly saying his own name. Last night it was included in his "I like" list that goes something like this (in a singsong voice):

"I like Mommy, I like Daddy, I like Shirley (daycare provider), I like Sophia (daycare kiddo), I like Kendry..."

My 20 month old is admitting that he likes himself. That must mean we're doing something right when it comes to promoting his self-confidence, don't you think?

4. He also repeats "Kendry Dru" very clearly back to me, which steals the thunder a bit from my "Mommy had to use your middle name" discipline moments.

5. And speaking of parenting, I am reading and loving Grace-Based Parenting by Dr. Tim Kimmel. God's grace for us is even more amazing to me now that I'm a parent.

6. Its that time of year again....TAX SEASON! Normally the organizational freak in me is stoked to get all my paperwork in order, login to TurboTax, plug in all our info and {shazam!} get our refund. This year, however, I'm a little overwhelmed. You gotta love the medical expense deduction when you're spending oodles on fertility treatments, but try working that in with your Health Savings Account and you end up with something that, well... should probably be turned over to an accountant.

Wish me luck!

7. In case anyone is keeping track, I did not win either of the Silhouette giveaways I entered in last week. Booooooo!

8. ANXIETY IS...having $800 worth of medications just hanging out in your fridge.

9. PEACE IS...knowing God won't let this medication go to waste.

10. This Week's Blessing: my hubby's homemade BBQ chicken pizza. Enough said.

Just Adopt?

Today I stumbled upon the opinion article "IVF v. Adoption: Why 'just adopt' is not the answer" written by Julie at A Little Pregnant. Julie's article was written in response to this article written by a Dr. Wendy Walsh posted back on December 6th, which caused quite a bit of chatter among those in the infertile community.

Julie starts out:
"I'm open about the fact that my children were conceived through infertility treatment, so I hear one particular question frequently: Why didn't you just adopt? Sometimes – rarely – it's asked in the spirit of sincere curiosity, and in those cases I'm happy to talk about our choices. More commonly, though, the question conveys an implied judgment, an expectation that I should justify myself: Why didn't you do the simple thing I'm sure I'd have done myself?

I'll admit it; I get defensive. I bristle at the suggestion that my reproductive choices are a matter for debate or persuasion. It really is the question, one examined and re-examined by anyone who's even briefly considered assisted reproduction, and we don't take it lightly. You name an angle, and we've examined it. At length. Ad nauseam."

If you have a moment, please shoot over to Julie's article and read it. I read her article first, and then went over to Dr. Walsh's article to see exactly what had been said - and I've gotta tell you this issue really hit home for me.

It was almost three years ago that Justin and I received our infertility diagnosis and we were advised that adoption and/or donors was our only option for having children. I will be honest with you, I wasn't ready to accept that. Maybe that was selfish of me; or maybe it was just part of the process.

One day you are hoping and praying that this will be the month you finally get pregnant. You have already imagined what your child will look like - that he'll have your eyes and his daddy's smile.

And the next day you're being told that child will probably never be.

Now you tell me, would your next thought really be "That's fine, let's just adopt instead"? Trust me when I tell you its not.

Letting go of what you thought your family would be is a process. You grieve the loss of what might have been. And at that moment in our lives, just three short years ago, we were not emotionally ready to adopt. We knew that.

Julie says it well in her article:

"There really is no "just adopt," and we're not all equipped to take the issues on. That doesn't make us unworthy of parenthood, but it can mean that adoption isn't right for us."

God says in His Word that we are to care for the widows and the orphans. When it comes to actually adopting a child, I believe that God calls some couples to do this, and some to not. I greatly admire those who heed His call and welcome a child into their home. Three years ago, God had some things He was working on in my heart, and at that moment I know He was not calling us to adopt.

But regardless of whether you are fertile or infertile, adoption is not something you "just" do, as though it is a one-size-fits-all option. I feel like Dr. Walsh completely missed the boat in presenting adoption this way.

I have been asked quite a few times if we ever considered pursuing adoption instead of IVF, and I openly tell people we were not ready for that, but perhaps someday we will. It amazes me each day how God has used motherhood to show me more of His heart, particularly toward adoption.

But whether we adopt someday or not, what was once a family of two is now a family of three - and that, without a doubt, is one beautiful miracle. May God be glorified no matter how He chooses to expand our family from here.

Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!

"...a man after midnight!"

Oh, how I love ABBA. But thats not what this post is about today.

Nor is it about dealing with a greedy child during the holiday season; although I might recommend The Berenstain Bears book "Get the Gimmes" if you are dealing with that problem yourself.

Nope, this is about MY greed. You heard me right - I am greedy. But before you judge me, allow me to explain.

A few months ago when Justin and I decided we were ready to do another IVF cycle we agreed that in doing so we would be making the cycle itself our 5th anniversary and Christmas gift to each other. Now, when its only August, and you envision yourself pregnant by Christmas, this compromise seems perfectly logical. But as the holidays near and you start seeing the beautiful (non-maternity) winter sweaters in the store window, the awesome kitchen gadgets in the Bed, Bath & Beyond catalog, and the leopard-print Snuggies on sale at Rite-Aid - I already have one Snuggie, but I am convinced the leopard-print would make my collection complete - you start to wonder why you agreed to let your husband off the hook for buying you a Christmas (and anniversary) gift. Oh right! Its because you can't afford it after dishing out more than you care to admit for fertility treatment. (Don't get me started on the fact that it is now December and our IVF cycle has been postponed twice!)

Alas, an agreement is an agreement. And to be honest, I have no desire to track down a Christmas gift for Justin only 23 days before Christmas. The man wants for nothing - or at least he never vocalizes his wish list items - so he is impossible to shop for. A mission like that requires at least 6 months prep time, which I don't have.

So whats a girl to do in a predicament such as this? Sign up for some awesome giveaways, of course - and then blog about them to increase my entries in the giveaway!

The first giveaway is from Wonderfully Wordy and Perfectly Imperfect for some incredible vinyl lettering. Here is a peek at what Shelley can do:

This scrolled tree is my fave:

LOVE IT!

The second giveaway is from The Frosted Gardner for some adorable office organizers. And we all know how much I love to organize. How cute would this be on my desk?

And last, but definitely not least, is the $25 gift card from Dream Home DIY. I just love watching them complete project after project in their home, and I have already got my hubby brainstorming on how to build me a hutch just like theirs. I would use the gift card for Hobby Lobby, a store that everyone keeps raving about and I have yet to visit. But I have recently discovered that there are - wait for it - 2 Hobby Lobby stores about two hours from my house. I sense a road trip coming on.

You can't win if you don't enter, right? Gimme gimme gimme (please)!