Today I stumbled upon the opinion article "IVF v. Adoption: Why 'just adopt' is not the answer" written by Julie at A Little Pregnant.
Julie's article was written in response to this article written by a Dr. Wendy Walsh posted back on December 6th, which caused quite a bit of chatter among those in the infertile community.
Julie starts out:
"I'm open about the fact that my children were conceived through infertility treatment, so I hear one particular question frequently: Why didn't you just adopt? Sometimes – rarely – it's asked in the spirit of sincere curiosity, and in those cases I'm happy to talk about our choices. More commonly, though, the question conveys an implied judgment, an expectation that I should justify myself: Why didn't you do the simple thing I'm sure I'd have done myself?
I'll admit it; I get defensive. I bristle at the suggestion that my reproductive choices are a matter for debate or persuasion. It really is the question, one examined and re-examined by anyone who's even briefly considered assisted reproduction, and we don't take it lightly. You name an angle, and we've examined it. At length. Ad nauseam." If you have a moment, please shoot over to Julie's article and read it. I read her article first, and then went over to Dr. Walsh's article to see exactly what had been said - and I've gotta tell you this issue really hit home for me.
It was almost three years ago that Justin and I received our infertility diagnosis and we were advised that adoption and/or donors was our only option for having children. I will be honest with you, I wasn't ready to accept that. Maybe that was selfish of me; or maybe it was just part of the process.
One day you are hoping and praying that this will be the month you finally get pregnant. You have already imagined what your child will look like - that he'll have your eyes and his daddy's smile.
And the next day you're being told that child will probably never be.
Now you tell me, would your next thought really be "That's fine, let's just adopt instead"? Trust me when I tell you its not.
Letting go of what you thought your family would be is a process. You grieve the loss of what might have been. And at that moment in our lives, just three short years ago, we were not emotionally ready to adopt. We knew that.
Julie says it well in her article:
"There really is no "just adopt," and we're not all equipped to take the issues on. That doesn't make us unworthy of parenthood, but it can mean that adoption isn't right for us."
God says in His Word that we are to care for the widows and the orphans. When it comes to actually adopting a child, I believe that God calls some couples to do this, and some to not. I greatly admire those who heed His call and welcome a child into their home. Three years ago, God had some things He was working on in my heart, and at that moment I know He was not calling us to adopt.
But regardless of whether you are fertile or infertile, adoption is not something you "just" do, as though it is a one-size-fits-all option. I feel like Dr. Walsh completely missed the boat in presenting adoption this way.
I have been asked quite a few times if we ever considered pursuing adoption instead of IVF, and I openly tell people we were not ready for that, but perhaps someday we will. It amazes me each day how God has used motherhood to show me more of His heart, particularly toward adoption.
But whether we adopt someday or not, what was once a family of two is now a family of three - and that, without a doubt, is one beautiful miracle. May God be glorified no matter how He chooses to expand our family from here.
